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“Cubetractor” is Pretty Awesome!

Posted under Featured, and News, and Reviews by Justin Oung on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013 -

Cubetractor is a puzzler and Cubetractor is cute.  Cubetractor is cute like a dude trying to get laid with a girl online cute, but not like how a preteen hugging a puppy is cute.

Cubetractor is when a guy meets a girl in a chat room and says words like, “Aww” and “OMG! I wuv kittens!” and “I can haz cheeseburger?”  Then, he has to deal with his roommate reading his text messages and making fun of him, where his roommate says things like, “Are you only gay around girls, or do you engage on man-on-man action when I’m not around?” and “Dude-bro!  Let’s drug up my girlfriend so we can have a three-way while locking eyes and kissing!”

…but, is it fun?

I meant “Is the game fun?” and not… well, yeah.  It’s fun.  It’s really fun, especially if you like puzzlers.  *coughs*

You’re a robot built and programmed from spare parts and software.  You’re a malfunctioning robot bent on the destruction of live forest animals and guns.  The object of the game is to pull cubes in order to crush your enemies, or combine cubes to create turrets and other defensive-type weaponry.  When you get hit, you get stuck, but you’re invulnerable for a period so that you’re not constantly being pelted with fireballs until you die.  Good work, Ludochip!  Don’t think I didn’t notice!

I played the game up to the second level, where enemies shot projectiles and gave me dirty looks upon my inevitable death.  It gets challenging in later levels.  Like, Smash TV challenging, but with enough puzzles to keep your mind stimulated.

The game is addictive!

Programmed by Ludochip to give us older gamers a nostalgic, 16-bit graphical feel, this byte-sized overhead puzzle platformer will keep you entertained for a few hours at only $9.99 and 55MB!  It also has controller support, unlike Rockstar’s L.A. Noire, which I also recently purchased on sale at Steam!!!

The only gripe I have about this game is that, although the controls are pretty fluid, I found my little robot dude moving on his own on occasion.  Especially when I would move either left or right.  Moving up or down didn’t really have too many issues.

Also, I just wanted to throw this out there, and try not to read too much into it… but, if a 6’5 bodybuilding drug dealer named Blanco Huerta decides to call you his girlfriend, run!  He has some weird ideas on the war on drugs!

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