Kenneth Ellis

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my fair corner of the website. In all my gaming endeavors I attempt to keep things as classy and encourage the ways of a man of breeding in all those around me. I have, though, become privy to the notion that not all my gaming brethren seek out such a manner of personal improvement. I said to myself, as I so oft time do, “Is it because they have chosen this way of life? Perish the thought! Nay, it must not be known to them the ways of the Gaming Gentlemen.”

So thus, here I start the Etiquette in the Game-room newsletter. A place for the socially less-groomed gamers to submit their questions to me about social faux-pas and/or dilemmas they have faced and need a clear answer as to what the correct action should be or should have been.

Since this is the first newsletter, and no one could have possibly submitted a question, I will go over some general points of proper conduct.

#1. A Gentleman Gamer’s Attire:

Whilst in the game room, shirts are optional. Pants, however, are mandatory unless there are extenuating circumstances. In such a case email me immediately, or consult the handbook. (You did purchase the handbook, right?). Bowler Caps are strongly encouraged.

#2. A Gentleman Gamer’s Attention to Family:

A gentleman gamer knows the correct way around a family. Mothers should be forewarned of extended gaming times so that she does not interrupt said play time. If she would be so crass as to interfere with your allotted game time, make her aware of her grievous error by claiming she is overbearing and nosey. You must make her know this behavior is unacceptable, consider swatting her across the nose with a rolled up copy of Guilt Magazine. A father is much easier to handle. Simply invite him to play with you. He will die/lose/fail to score in 2 minutes and leave feeling emasculated by his own son’s game.

Brothers: Older brothers are always welcome to join, younger brothers are never welcome to join. I know this creates a paradox, but” thems the rules”.

Sisters: The gentler sex rarely play video games. No wonder you need my advice in these matters. You do not even know this simplest of truths.

#3: A Gentlemen Gamer’s Game Area:

A proper Gentleman Gamer’s gaming consoles, wires, and accessories are laid out neatly and cleanly in a reasonable, reachable distance. The area should also be away from the main areas of the house, difficult to get to, and relaxing to you. Preferably, this would be your friend’s house, but a basement or garage would do in a pinch. Also, leave your mark on your area to let other Gentlemen Gamers know that this “lady” is spoken for. Above all, remember that this area is your kingdom and those games are your tiny, plastic peasants. Treat them well, and they shall entertain you for years.

Hopefully, this will help some of you through your first weeks as a stand up Gentleman Gamer. If you have any questions to ask of me, as to how a Gentleman Gamer reacts in certain social situations or how he would improve his gaming life in a classy way, feel free to email at ken@gamingdead.com.

Live well gentlemen, and play well.