Meredith Sweet

I hate mini-games. Or micro-games, or whatever those game-within-a-games like to be called these days. I’m looking at you, Mario 1Up bonus area, FFX Monster Ranch and Butterfly Hunt, FFX-2 Calm Lands games and publicity campaign, and heck knows how many others!

This isn’t to say that I like linear games and only linear games. No way. But if you’re going to have a massive, epic game (because where else will you find mini-games to break up the “monotony?”), inserting mini-games seems almost…defeatist. Most massive, epic games require some amount of level grinding, and that’s tedious enough. Throw in mini-games (in most games, you’ll have to play one of these mini-games at least once, just because you went through that Warp Pipe, wanted to get 100% completion for that bonus scene, or have to get that darn ultimate weapon) and you’ve got enough annoyances to make you want to pull your eyebrows out.

Let me disclaim all of the above by pointing out that I’m a completist. That means that whenever I play a game, I play not only to win and have some fun, but to get every last secret, every bonus, every ultimate weapon. To that end, I’m often a reader of strategy guides, GameFAQs, and every other “cheat” or helper under the sun. If I made some goofy mistake and saved it, I’ll open up a new file and begin anew. I’m that much of a completist. I can’t stand playing a game knowing that I missed something REALLY good. And it’s really frustrating when you think you SHOULD be able to get something and for some bizarre, inexplicable reason (like having to catch blue butterflies), you can’t.

It’s not as if I suck at all mini-games, either. While I have yet to capture every single Spiran fiend out there (or beat their upgraded versions in the Monster Ranch), I’m not too shabby at Lupine Racing or the Super Mario World tic-tac-toe Bonus Game where three in a row of the same shape will net you a 1Up. But I still see them as annoying side-trips in the larger scale of the game, whether that’s defeating Sin, finding out who the heck that guy in the sphere is, or why the heck Peach keeps on getting kidnapped by Bowser instead of installing a proper security system involving maces and swinging fire blades on her castle.

Game designers might be thinking “Let’s insert something quick and fun in here!” to break up the current course of the game. They might be thinking “Let’s give the player a host of puzzles to try and do in order to get as much done before attempting to beat the final boss!” Or maybe they’re just thinking “We’ve gotten them to play this far, might as well make them suffer a bit more, right?” I’m pretty sure it’s the latter more often than not. After all, who else but a sadist would think that catching butterflies has something to do with netting a giant blue fighting machine his most awesome Lancer weapon?

If there’s a single reason behind my many unfinished save files, it’s mini-games. Being a completist and getting stuck in mini-games is a curse. I’ll refuse to move on (playing on and just creating a new save file feels WRONG to me somehow) and be stuck in the mini-game forever, meaning I’ll try and try and eventually give up and switch to another game, until I get to that game’s godawful mini-games and get stuck trying to complete that. Heaven forbid the mini-games have pre-requisites, like they’re some sort of awesome secret we should be relishing in, and playing willingly over and over (though I guess some people are like that with FFX’s Blitzball; why I’ll never know). That means that when I finally do crack open that save file again, I’ll be in some bizarre place without knowing just why I’m there. But it won’t take long for me to realize it’s because of The Curse.

And then I’ll just sigh and attempt to play that darn mini-game again and hope that this time, Lady Luck is on my side (and I don’t just mean the dresssphere). Because that’s really all that it comes down to in mini-games, right? Luck? If it’s not, I have no idea how I’ve beaten the games that I have. I’m obviously not lucky, and if it takes skill to beat mini-games, I’m not skilled either. Woe is the unlucky, unskilled gamer with a bizarre, deep-seated desire to play a game into the ground, enjoy every last second of those ending credits (and the secret ending video), and the opportunity to do it all again with a full stock of every item, weapon, and ability. No amount of GameFAQs or tips on forums will help that gamer; that gamer is on his or her own.

Unless you borrow a friend to beat the stupid mini-game for you, which just adds to the feeling of gamer inadequacy…for all of five minutes, until you get to the next major plot point in the story. Too bad my fellow gamer friends want me to win on my own terms. Victory is sweet, after all, but only so long as you earned it yourself, not through cheats or other people playing your saves. I guess it’s back to the old “open save file and soft-reset when I lose that mini-game again” routine!

Sources: Ian Albert Video Game Maps for Super Mario World, Yoshi’s Island @ GiantBomb.com